a split tree

If you’ve read my blog for awhile, chances are good that you’ve identified that a) I have quite the colorful background and b) daddy issues like to sneak up on me (without the pesky stripping thing… so far I’ve been able to stay away from that symptom) 😉  It’s just honest.  But these people are the ones that helped grow that good parts of me.  My family.  We lost my grandfather a few years back, and it was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to come to terms with.  He was the closest thing to a father figure I had, and he’s missed everyday.  We’ve been fortunate enough to keep all the rest of our immediate family  (my grandma is under strict instructions that she is to remain healthy and able bodied, forever.)

I’m so grateful to each of them.

To my grandmother; for teaching me the balance between love and instruction.  For never judging me, but never letting me slide when it came to character.  For her hours of conversation and her piano playing and her beautiful singing voice.  For her and my grandfather’s beautiful love story that, despite my past mistakes (even at a young age), makes me believe that you can overcome anything and that true, forever kind of love is possible.

To my momma; for being a shoulder to cry on, and for always listening to me, no matter what.  i swear she’d listen to me talk circles for hours, and never once check out.  For her excited phone calls, exclaiming that she saw me on TV and how proud she was, and for the fact that she’s always been proud, even when I was just a starbucks barista in a small town.

To my aunt jen; for her great hugs and her compassion that is tangible.  For her servant’s heart and the way she taught me that it’s always polite to do the dishes after someone else cooked.

To my aunt viv; for singing “the cars” with me in her el camino after going to feed the ducks, for her advice that is always right on, even if i don’t want to hear it, and for her unconditional love.

To my uncle frank; for star trek and the simpsons, for audio books and my love of driving.  For fried potatoes and coin collections and teasing me about “hairy-legged boys”.  For teaching me anything I needed to know about cars.  For winter coats and video games.

To my cousin Danielle; for always being a good example, and always hanging out with me even though I was younger than her.  For exhibiting the same compassion that her mother has, and on top of that, adding her father’s awesome sense of humor.

To my cousin Gabriel, for mud pies and climbing trees.  For always thinking I was cooler than I actually was.

To my cousin Cameron, for his video game prowess and his interesting insight on all topics.  For his love of ramen noodles that rivals only my 13-year-old self’s.

To my little brother.  My sunshine and the best person I’ve ever met.  He knows how to love people even better than they love themselves.  And most of all, he loves me.

(Some of) The people that built me.  My life has been blessed with many other non-blood family that aren’t pictured or mentioned, but they still hold a large place in my heart.  I’m a lucky, lucky girl.

and here is my 2 am word vomit… there was a wreck on the highway, synapses are crossed. no airbags, SOS….

I don’t think I ever really got over you,
The way you always had a smile
waiting on your lips for me, and I
always knew you’d give it freely.
You held me in your brain like a picture frame,
solid and tight, but I broke the glass.
Shards and splinters,
cut and scars left

You just want to know that I’m hurting
and I’ll play your game.
I miss you the way an animal misses a cage.


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