lucky charm.

always the lucky charm, never the lucky.  is that how the saying goes? I’m pretty sure I got it wrong…. the right word always seems to escape me.  stupid, slippery, fleeting, falling words.  they never carry with them the weight of what they leave.

I made a list of things I want to do this year, but it’s on my phone and I currently have no clue where that is.  Soooo….. I’ll try again.

1. go to Fallingwater (this was on my list last year and didn’t happen.  gotta.)
2. go to New York (also on last year’s list.)
3. give blood (also on last year’s list. dang it. terrifies me.)
4. learn a 2nd language
5. go visit country of said language
6. run a half-marathon
7. have one of my photos used as an album cover
8. go skydiving

I guess those are the majors… of course listing things brings the possible feeling of disappointment at the end of next year if the things on my list remain undone, but I’m hoping that having them written out and tangible will remind me to actually do them.

The other night spawned a crazy conversation at the most random of places. Taco bars and Spanish vocabulary cards and a possible prophet named Patrick. He was talking about soul ties, and how they carry with them both a pull together and retraction apart. I sat for a minute contemplating and he continued on… He said that people have the wrong idea when they think soul mates means having it easy. People are constantly wanting to prove that they can do it on their own; that they are equipped and able to face this world we’ve grown, all alone. So when someone comes along and takes one of your heartstrings and tries it to theirs; when it’s an instant magnetic attraction that causes more and more lose ends to be tied up by the second; it’s exhilarating and terrifying, knowing they could rip their ties away and leave you half when you used to be whole (or at least, 75%). I always go back to the simple question… is the risk worth the pay off? Soul mates doesn’t describe that warm fuzzy feeling that accompanies the newness of Love. It’s something like standing at the tip top of the highest peak and deciding if you’re gonna make the fall, or stay unmoving forever.

If only I had the guarantee of flight.

It’s either out of sight, out of mind or distance makes the heart grow fonder, and I’m scared to death of finding out which way this is going. My hands are itching with all the things they want to do but instead I’ll rest them here on the lap of the one person who gets me…. Me. They’ll be restless forever… I wish I could find what makes them dance without having jitters, what lets them fly but still holds them close. I’m starting to think it’s an impossibility.

These are photos from the light workshop I did last month with Todd Owyoung and Interplause. I had a real good time with these crazy guys. Check out Todd’s amazing body of work at and Interplause at

that last one was taken by Todd… thanks friend!!

I got a St. Jude pedant in New Orleans this week. Maybe it’ll do some good?


2 Comments Add yours

  1. Todd Owyoung says:

    Hey Colleen,

    At long last, the images! These look great. Love the second shot of DJ and Caleb and then the shot of DJ with the massive flare.

    Hope you’re doing well, holler if you need anything.

  2. Chancely Stater says:

    why dont you do a triathlon? im going to! train with me!!

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